Choitalyk Ruman's Corner

Tag: #selflove

  • Do We Always Need to Improve? The Gentle Balance Between Self-Improvement and Self-Love

    BY CHOITALYKRUMAN

    There was a moment recently when I found myself obsessing over a small mistake in a presentation I had created. Just a missing comma—nothing that would change the meaning. Still, a part of me wanted to go back, fix it, perfect it. But then I paused and asked myself, Is it really necessary?

    That small moment led to a deeper realization. We spend so much of our lives trying to improve things—our work, our appearance, our habits, even our thoughts. While there’s nothing wrong with growth, sometimes the constant drive to “fix” things distracts us from simply being present with what is.

    Think about it: How many times have you looked in the mirror and zoomed in on a flaw rather than seeing your whole, radiant self?
    How often have you replayed a conversation in your mind, wondering if you should have said something different—when in reality, it was just a natural human interaction?

    We’re conditioned to strive. To upgrade. To polish every rough edge.

    But what if the real growth is not in fixing—but in allowing?
    What if wisdom lies not in making ourselves perfect, but in loving ourselves through the imperfections?

    Self-Improvement vs. Self-Love

    There’s a subtle but profound difference between self-improvement and self-love.

    Self-improvement often comes from a place that says:
    “You’re not enough yet—do more, be more.”

    Self-love speaks with a different tone:
    “You’re enough as you are. Grow if you feel inspired, but not because you think you’re broken.”

    Real-Life Moments That Teach Us

    ? At Work
    Let’s say you’re part of a team project. You spot a small flaw in someone else’s work—something you could point out. But will it improve the outcome meaningfully? Or is it just your inner perfectionist reaching for control? Sometimes, grace means letting it go. Saving your energy for what truly matters.

    ? At Home
    You forgot to cook something you promised. You feel bad. Instead of spiraling into guilt or self-blame, you take a breath and say, “It’s okay. I forgot. I’m still a loving human being.” Then you make tea and laugh about it. That’s self-love in motion.

    ? In Parenting or Relationships
    You may catch yourself trying to “fix” your loved ones—improving their mindset, correcting their tone, guiding their path. But sometimes, the deepest form of love is acceptance. Letting them be on their own journey, while offering quiet support.

    Letting Things Be Doesn’t Mean Giving Up

    This doesn’t mean we stop growing. It means we grow from a different place—from peace, not pressure. We begin to trust that life itself is always guiding us. That every challenge, every trigger, every mistake is already a built-in opportunity to evolve.

    Instead of chasing self-improvement like a full-time job, we soften into self-awareness. We observe, we reflect, and we choose what feels authentic. Some things we may still want to change—but not because we feel unworthy, rather because we love ourselves enough to grow gently.

    The Flow of Spirit-Mind Living

    There’s a different kind of awareness available to us when we live from our spirit mind—that quiet, knowing part of us that sees beauty even in the cracks. When we shift from the noise of constant self-fixing to the calm of self-trust, we begin to live more freely, more joyfully.

    Life becomes less about performing and more about being.
    Less about proving and more about loving.

    So next time you catch yourself trying to improve something—whether it’s a detail, a moment, or yourself—pause and ask:
    Is this coming from love or fear?
    Can I let this be, just for now?

    Because sometimes, the most powerful form of growth is allowing yourself to be imperfect, present, and deeply loved—as you are.

    • #ChoitalykRuman
    • #UmmeyMiah

  • Things Would Be Different If You Loved Yourself

    Have you ever wondered how your life would change if you truly, deeply loved yourself? Not just in fleeting moments of confidence, but consistently in every corner of your being. What if, instead of critiquing, comparing, or rejecting parts of yourself, you chose love? The truth is, things would be different—beautifully, profoundly different.

    When we give love to the broken, neglected, or wounded parts of ourselves, something incredible happens: they begin to heal. It really is that simple. Love is a balm, a restorative force that doesn’t demand perfection or achievement. It simply asks for presence. In that space of loving presence, our inner fractures start to mend, gently and steadily.

    Yet, many of us carry burdens of remorse, guilt, or shame. We mistakenly believe these emotions are necessary to prove our sincerity or to earn redemption. But in reality, these heavy emotions have no place in the healing process. They keep us trapped in cycles of self-punishment, blocking the very love we need to break free. Healing comes when we shift our inner gaze from judgment to compassion, from criticism to kindness.

    When we begin to look at ourselves and the world with love, acceptance, and compassion, everything changes. Our perception softens. We stop seeing ourselves as problems to fix and start recognizing the wholeness that was always there, waiting to be acknowledged. The world itself takes on a different hue, and what once felt harsh or overwhelming becomes manageable, even beautiful.

    At the heart of this transformation lies a vital question: How do you perceive yourself? This is the key. You won’t find peace, fulfillment, or joy if you’re constantly searching outside yourself, hoping to stumble upon the missing piece. As long as you believe that love or worth is something to be earned or proven, you’ll keep chasing shadows. But if you choose love—love for yourself, exactly as you are in this moment—then love chooses you back. Love flows in and fills the spaces you once thought were unworthy.

    Instead of striving to be good enough, perfect, coordinated, or wise, try something radical: love the parts of yourself you usually reject. Love your awkwardness, your doubts, your flaws, your quirks. Give those neglected parts your tender attention. This is how you complete yourself. This is how you stop falling into the traps set by the false self—the self that believes worthiness comes from external validation or achievements.

    Here’s the secret: the qualities you dislike about yourself aren’t actually who you truly are. They are passing expressions, conditioned responses, misunderstood aspects shaped by experience. They are not your essence. When you embrace this truth, it becomes much easier to return to your authentic state of love. You realize you don’t need to fight, hide, or deny these parts. You only need to love them.

    For example, imagine standing in front of the mirror one morning, feeling disappointed by the reflection staring back at you. Maybe you see wrinkles, extra weight, or tired eyes. But instead of sighing or criticizing, you softly smile and say, “I love you. I love every line, every curve, every imperfection.” It might feel strange at first. But as you repeat this practice, day by day, you notice something shifting. The critical voice grows quieter. The burden of needing to “fix” yourself lightens. You begin to carry yourself differently—with more grace, more confidence, more warmth. And that shift ripples outward: your relationships feel more authentic, your work feels more inspired, your days feel more peaceful.

    So reach deep inside. Let out all the love that’s already there. It’s been waiting patiently, buried beneath layers of self-judgment and doubt. Let that love rise to the surface. Accept the happiness that wants to find you, without grasping, forcing, or controlling it. Allow it to unfold naturally, like a flower turning toward the sun.

    You are already whole. You are already enough. When you love yourself, everything shifts. Your relationships transform. Your outlook expands. Your path becomes clearer. Love opens doors that effort and striving never could.

    Things would be different if you loved yourself.

    Are you ready to find out just how different they could be?

    Written by #ChoitalykRuman  5/5/2025

    #UmmeyMiah

  • Healing After Trauma: A Path to Natural Forgiveness

    When life deals us profound trauma, it’s common to hear advice like, “You need to forgive to move on.” But let’s be honest—how can you even think about forgiveness when the pain still feels raw and overwhelming? It’s not that forgiveness doesn’t have value, but when you’ve been deeply hurt, it shouldn’t be the first step. Healing must come first.

    Forgiveness is often seen as the ultimate goal, but expecting it too soon can feel like putting a bandage on a wound that hasn’t been cleaned. Healing after trauma isn’t about rushing to forgive; it’s about tending to your pain, understanding what you’ve been through, and creating a life that feels safe, loving, and whole again.

    Sarah’s Story

    Let me share a story to show how this works in real life.

    Sarah was a vibrant, outgoing woman who loved deeply and trusted fully. But one day, her world came crashing down when her closest friend, Emily, betrayed her trust in the most painful way. Emily had spread deeply personal information about Sarah to others, leading to humiliation and shattered relationships. Sarah felt blindsided, hurt, and hollow.

    At first, everyone told Sarah she needed to forgive Emily and move on. “It’s the right thing to do,” they said. But Sarah wasn’t ready. Every time she thought about forgiveness, it felt like she was being asked to pretend the pain didn’t exist. So instead, she chose a different path: healing.

    Sarah began focusing on herself. She joined a local yoga group where she found a sense of peace and community. She started journaling, pouring her thoughts and emotions onto the page. And slowly, she began reconnecting with new people who valued her for who she was.

    One day, while walking in the park, Sarah noticed something remarkable. The bitterness and anger she’d been carrying toward Emily weren’t as heavy anymore. In its place was a sense of calm. It wasn’t that Sarah excused what Emily had done, but she no longer felt trapped by the betrayal. Forgiveness, she realized, had found her—not because she forced it but because her heart had begun to heal.

    Why Healing Matters First

    Like Sarah, when someone deeply hurts us, it can shake our sense of self, safety, and trust. Healing isn’t just about moving past the event—it’s about tending to the emotional wounds it leaves behind. These scars can impact how we see ourselves and the world. Healing is about gently working through those scars and reclaiming your inner strength.

    For example, if your trauma left you feeling unloved or unworthy, healing might look like finding people or experiences that remind you of your value. If it left you feeling unsafe, healing might involve building a life where you feel protected and secure.

    This process is essential because it’s hard to forgive when you’re still in survival mode. It’s hard to release anger or resentment when you haven’t yet rebuilt the parts of yourself that were hurt. Healing is the foundation upon which forgiveness can stand.

    The Power of Opposites

    One of the most effective ways to heal is to seek out the opposite of the harm you experienced. If someone’s actions made you feel isolated, surround yourself with love and connection. If their words made you feel small or powerless, take steps to regain your confidence and autonomy.

    This doesn’t erase the pain, but it creates balance. It teaches your mind and heart that while the world can be harsh, it can also be kind. You’re reminding yourself that you’re not defined by what happened to you.

    When Forgiveness Comes Naturally

    As you heal, something remarkable begins to happen. The pain that once felt overwhelming starts to fade. The anger that consumed you might feel less sharp. The resentment might not hold as much weight.

    And forgiveness? It often arises naturally—not as an act of will but as a byproduct of your inner peace. When the chaos within you settles, forgiveness can feel less like a task and more like a gift you give to yourself.

    Give Yourself Time

    Healing isn’t a straight path—it’s more like a winding road with moments of progress and setbacks. And that’s okay. Each step you take toward love, safety, and resolve is a victory.

    Remember, forgiveness isn’t a requirement for healing; it’s often a gift that healing brings. So focus on what you need right now—peace, strength, and hope. Like Sarah, you’ll find that the rest will come in its own time.

    Your journey is your own, and you have the strength to walk it.

    -#ChoitalykRuman

    #UmmeyMiah

  • The Profound Lessons of Loving Deeply: Embracing Growth, Even in Unreciprocated Love

    Love is one of the most powerful forces in the human experience. It can uplift, transform, and even break us open in ways we never thought possible. While love is often celebrated when it’s reciprocated, it’s in the moments of unrequited or unreturned love that we often learn the most profound lessons. These experiences, though painful, are gifts that shape our understanding of ourselves and the world around us.

    The Gift of Unreciprocated Love :

    “I will never, ever regret a moment of loving someone deeply. Even if they didn’t or couldn’t mutually love me back. Especially then. That’s when I grew and learned the most. What a gift. What an absolute gift. It hurt like hell. It sucked utterly. But then? It helped me know my own lovability and true worth even more. It helped me call in the ones who would celebrate life and love with me rather than denigrate, desecrate or reject it. It ultimately helped me be the best, fullest me. Gave me a capacity for true compassion. Broke me open. It basically taught me to love and trust and open even MORE” .can you rewrite expand as an article for blog post . Audience attracted thoughts

    The Gift of Unreciprocated Love

    Loving someone deeply, even when that love is not returned, can be one of the most challenging experiences we face. It’s natural to feel a sense of loss, rejection, or even anger when our feelings are not matched. However, this pain is not without purpose. Unreciprocated love offers us a unique opportunity for growth and self-discovery.

    When we love someone who cannot or does not love us back, we are forced to confront our own expectations, insecurities, and desires. We begin to question our worth, wondering if we are enough or if we are somehow unlovable. But it is in this questioning that we find the answers we truly need.

    “I will never, ever regret a moment of loving someone deeply. Even if they didn’t or couldn’t mutually love me back. Especially then. That’s when I grew and learned the most. What a gift. What an absolute gift. It hurt like hell. It sucked utterly. But then? It helped me know my own lovability and true worth even more. It helped me call in the ones who would celebrate life and love with me rather than denigrate, desecrate or reject it. It ultimately helped me be the best, fullest me. Gave me a capacity for true compassion. Broke me open. It basically taught me to love and trust and open even MORE” .can you rewrite expand as an article for blog post . Audience attracted thoughts

    The Profound Lessons of Loving Deeply: Embracing Growth, Even in Unreciprocated Love:

    Love is one of the most powerful forces in the human experience. It can uplift, transform, and even break us open in ways we never thought possible. While love is often celebrated when it’s reciprocated, it’s in the moments of unrequited or unreturned love that we often learn the most profound lessons. These experiences, though painful, are gifts that shape our understanding of ourselves and the world around us.

    The Gift of Unreciprocated Love

    Loving someone deeply, even when that love is not returned, can be one of the most challenging experiences we face. It’s natural to feel a sense of loss, rejection, or even anger when our feelings are not matched. However, this pain is not without purpose. Unreciprocated love offers us a unique opportunity for growth and self-discovery.

    When we love someone who cannot or does not love us back, we are forced to confront our own expectations, insecurities, and desires. We begin to question our worth, wondering if we are enough or if we are somehow unlovable. But it is in this questioning that we find the answers we truly need.

    Discovering Self-Worth Through Heartbreak

    The journey of unrequited love is a journey inward. It compels us to look beyond the other person and into ourselves. We begin to realize that our worth is not determined by someone else’s ability to love us. Instead, it is defined by our own capacity for love, compassion, and resilience.

    In the depths of heartbreak, we learn that our lovability is inherent. It is not something that can be given or taken away by another person. We come to understand that we are worthy of love simply because we exist. This realization is a profound gift that unrequited love offers us.

    The Strength in Vulnerability

    Loving deeply, even when it is not returned, requires immense courage. It demands that we open our hearts fully, knowing that we may be hurt in the process. But it is this very act of vulnerability that strengthens us.

    Through the pain of unreciprocated love, we build resilience. We learn to endure heartache and disappointment, and we come out the other side stronger and more capable of loving fully. Our capacity for compassion grows as we recognize the shared human experience of love and loss.

    Attracting the Right Kind of Love

    As we grow from the experience of unrequited love, we begin to attract the kind of love that truly honors us. We start to call in people who celebrate us, who see our worth, and who are willing to love us deeply in return. This is not by accident, but by design. As we learn to love and value ourselves, we naturally attract those who will do the same.

    Unreciprocated love teaches us to set boundaries, to recognize red flags, and to prioritize our own well-being. It helps us to understand what we truly want and need in a relationship, and it empowers us to seek out those who are capable of meeting us where we are.

    Embracing the Fullness of Life

    Ultimately, loving deeply, even when it hurts, helps us to become the fullest versions of ourselves. It breaks us open, teaching us to love more freely and to trust more deeply. It expands our capacity for joy, compassion, and connection.

    In the end, the pain of unreciprocated love is a small price to pay for the profound growth it offers. It teaches us to embrace the fullness of life, to open ourselves to new possibilities, and to trust in the journey of love, no matter where it may lead.

    Conclusion: A Gift Wrapped in Pain

    While it may be difficult to see in the moment, unreciprocated love is one of life’s greatest teachers. It challenges us, breaks us open, and ultimately helps us to grow into the best versions of ourselves. The pain we experience is real, but so too is the gift of self-discovery and resilience that comes with it.

    Loving deeply, even when it’s not returned, is a courageous act. It’s a testament to our capacity for love and a reminder that we are worthy of being loved in return. And in the end, it is this love—both for ourselves and others—that will carry us forward into a life filled with meaning, connection, and joy

    #ChoitalykRuman 

  • The Beauty of Love and Friendship: Finding Authenticity Without Losing Yourself

    It’s perfectly okay to hope for love. It’s okay to pray for love, wish for love, and even dream of it. Love, in all its forms, is one of the most profound human desires. But let me tell you this: please, don’t put your life on hold while you wait for love to arrive. Don’t let the longing for love keep you from living fully in the present.

    I once heard a story about a woman named Jasinta. She spent years waiting for that one perfect love, convinced that her life would truly begin once she found it. She imagined it as a grand, shiny thing that would sweep her off her feet. And so, she waited—through job promotions, friendships, and even a chance to travel the world. She kept putting off opportunities, thinking, “When I find love, I’ll really start living.”

    One day, as she sat in a coffee shop reflecting on all the things she hadn’t done, an older gentleman, a regular at the shop, asked her, “You come here every week, but you always look like you’re waiting for something. What are you waiting for?”

    Jasinta replied, “Love. I’m waiting for love.”

    The old man smiled gently and said, “Love is all around you, child. The real question is, are you recognizing it?”

    At first, Jasinta brushed off his words, thinking they didn’t apply to her situation. But as she looked around the shop, she noticed the barista who always remembered her order, the colleague who checked in on her when she had a tough day, and the friend who stayed by her side through thick and thin. These weren’t the bright, shiny moments she had envisioned, but they were love in its most genuine form.

    And then, it hit her—she had spent so long waiting for a grand, fairy-tale love that she had overlooked the love that was already present in her life. The older gentleman was right: love doesn’t always arrive in the way we expect. Sometimes, it’s subtle and quiet, showing up in small acts of kindness and loyalty.

    Jasinta’s story serves as a reminder that we don’t need to chase love or friendship with the intent to “capture” them. Authentic connections are rarely caught by force—they are recognized. And often, they don’t come wrapped in bright, shiny packages that grab your attention right away. True friends and true love may not stand out at first, but they are the ones who stay by your side in times of need. They love you without conditions, without calculations, and beyond superstition.

    It doesn’t make sense to hold on to relationships that were only meant to be temporary. Some friendships are just passing seasons in our lives, while others are meant to last a lifetime. But forcing a seasonal friendship to become something more can leave you feeling stuck and disconnected.

    For me, “friendship” is a deeply meaningful word. It goes beyond mere acquaintance or convenience; it’s about support, trust, and mutual care. Those are the friendships worth cherishing, the ones that bring real value to our lives.

    So, my dear readers, as you move through life, I hope you find love and friendship in their truest forms. But always remember—don’t stop living while you wait. Recognize the people who are already there for you, who love you unconditionally, and don’t let fleeting connections steal your time and energy.

    By #ChoitalykRuman- 09/23/2024

  • Embrace Your Uniqueness: A Journey of Self-Acceptance

    Photo : Unknown  from Google

    When others degrade you because of how they perceive the world, remember this: you have no reason to be ashamed of yourself. Their views don’t define your worth.

    .It’s possible that nothing is wrong with you. You might be perfectly healthy, just finding it challenging to thrive in a system that wasn’t designed to nurture your spirit. And that’s okay. Sometimes, the world around us doesn’t align with our inner nature, and it’s important to recognize that this misalignment doesn’t reflect any flaw within you.

    When emotions arise, acknowledge them. Let yourself feel every sensation without suppression. Emotions are a natural part of the human experience—necessary for our growth. Don’t hold back your tears; instead, breathe through them. Allow yourself to fully embrace what you’re feeling. Your journey is your own, and achieving your goals is within your power. You are the architect of your world.

    Remember, you are both light and shadow. Both aspects of yourself are vital, and one cannot exist without the other. By accepting and releasing your emotions, you’ll discover a profound sense of liberation, lightness, and, eventually, contentment. This process will help you grow and maintain inner peace.

    Never doubt that you are a wonderful, peaceful, and pure spirit. These qualities are innate to all of us. Those who demean you have simply lost sight of their own strengths and talents. Their perspectives have been shaped by various social, cultural, political, and religious influences, leading them to create systems that serve their own interests. But you don’t need to worry about fitting into their mold.

    Just be yourself. Love your uniqueness.

    By ChoitalykRuman

    #ChoitalykRuman

  • Breaking Free from the Chains of Others’ Opinions

    Have you ever found yourself hesitating, holding back from expressing your true self because you were worried about what others might think? Perhaps you chose not to speak up, or maybe you molded your actions to fit the expectations of those around you. It’s a natural human tendency—we all want to be liked, respected, and accepted. But there’s a hidden cost to this constant concern about others’ opinions, a price that many of us pay without even realizing it.

    When you care too much about what others think, you unknowingly hand over the keys to your freedom. You allow their judgments to dictate your choices, your actions, and ultimately, your happiness. In doing so, you become a slave to their expectations, trapped in a cycle of seeking approval and validation.

    But what if there was another way? What if you could live a life that is truly your own, free from the burden of others’ opinions?

    The truth is, no one’s opinion of you should matter more than your own. When you place your self-worth in the hands of others, you give them control over your life. You become a performer, acting out a script written by someone else, rather than the author of your own story.

    Imagine the liberation that comes from letting go of this need for approval. It’s not about disregarding others completely or becoming indifferent to their feelings—far from it. It’s about recognizing that their opinions are just that: opinions. They are reflections of their own perspectives, experiences, and insecurities, not a measure of your worth.

    The path to true freedom begins with self-acceptance. When you embrace who you are, with all your strengths and imperfections, you no longer need to seek validation from outside sources. You become your own anchor, steady and sure, regardless of the tides of others’ judgments.

    This doesn’t mean the journey will be easy. Letting go of the need for approval is a process, one that requires courage and self-awareness. It means facing the discomfort of being misunderstood, criticized, or even rejected. But in the end, the reward is worth it—a life lived on your own terms, filled with the authenticity and joy that comes from being true to yourself.

    So, the next time you find yourself worrying about what others might think, pause and ask yourself: Whose life am I living? Am I making choices that honor my true self, or am I conforming to the expectations of others ?

    Remember, you are the author of your own story. Don’t let anyone else hold the pen.

    By #ChoitalykRuman #CR 8/31/2024